[CHREMES enters with a bag of household items. He sings:]

One thing I love with all my heart
Pardon me if I make a confession
I have a weakness for stuff, junk, or old parts
And rarely do I make a concession!

All my friends very often will impart
To me things they couldn't give away or pawn
Broken pans, plates with chips, a broken cart
It looks great up on blocks on my front lawn

I've gathered stuff from each and every Greek
Some would call it junk, I say "antique"
To me, all of this shit I've got is chic

I like things, lots of things
Copper anklets, golden rings
Silken braids upon my toga
Fifty crates of Calistoga

I've got pots, ropes with knots
All of Plato's unused plots
Plus some masks for Greek theater
See ‘em now or see ‘em later

Silver combs for my hair
And some crotchless underwear
Phony boobs I bought from hookers down in Crete

The list of useless junk I've got swims ‘round in my brain
So much in fact I feel compelled to sing this refrain
Which sounds a lot like "Make ‘em Laugh" from
Singin' In the Rain

I've got things
Tons of things
I got things

CHORUS: [Sweet Young Things filling the stage with crap] He's got junk, he's got trash

CHREMES: How I love my perused stash
Over years I have collected
What my friends have all rejected

CHORUS: Don't believe it? Look inside
He's got no more room to hide

CHREMES: All my piles of special treasure
And it gives me so much pleasure

CHORUS: He's got used silverware
Comin' out his derriere

CHREMES: I've got bearhide blankets great for when I nap
For years I've seen my inventory stead'ly increase

CHORUS: Increase

CHREMES: And though my song about my stockpiles off key, at least

CHORUS: At least

CHREMES: I had the sense to steal the tune from "Beauty and the Beast"

CHORUS: So don't tell Disney

CHREMES: I got crap

CHORUS: He's got crap

CHREMES: Lots o' crap

CHORUS: Tons o' crap

ALL: Yes, crap

CHORUS: Chremes has got crapola

[Enter PHEIDOLOS as CHREMES packs up his stuff.]

PHEIDOLOS: Acgh! I'll never do it! I've led a thrifty hardworking life. I refuse to wash my hands of all that honest sweat for no good reason. Turn in what belongs to me! That'll be the day. I'd have to be pretty stupid, without a brain in my head. [Seeing Chremes] Well speak of the devil. I'll inspect this business and see what I can find out. [To Chremes] What sort of crackpot set up is this? You moving?

CHREMES: Not at all.

PHEIDOLOS: Having an auction?

CHREMES: I'm taking it all down to the market and turning it in.

PHEIDOLOS: You really intend to turn in all your possessions?

CHREMES: I certainly do!

PHEIDOLOS: You are a sap.


PHEIDOLOS: Aide… learn that man.

[He motions toward AIDE. AIDE crosses to CHREMES and smacks him upside the head and crosses back to PHEIDOLOS.]

CHREMES: Ow! What was that for?

PHEIDOLOS: Do I have to repeat myself? Because you're a sap!

CHREMES: You mean I shouldn't obey the law?


CHREMES: The law that's in force.

PHEIDOLOS: The law that's in force. Of all the asinine… Aide!

[He motions toward AIDE. AIDE crosses to CHREMES and smacks him upside the head and crosses back to PHEIDOLOS.]

CHREMES: Ow! What was that for?

PHEIDOLOS: Because you are an inbreed lump of a mortal.

CHREMES: Because I do what I'm told?

PHEIDOLOS: Exactly! You think this country got where it is today by doing what were told? If anything, we are by nature a group of citizens who certainly do not do what we're told.

CHREMES: I take it then you don't intend to deposit your belongings.

PHEIDOLOS: Well… I'm holding off for a bit. I'm waiting to see the consensus.

CHREMES: Well with the looks of all the stuff everywhere everybody in the whole city is turning in their goods. The consensus sits out on every street. So I take it then you will turn in your goods too.

PHEIDOLOS: Not necessarily.

CHREMES: You're still not? I'm confused.


CHREMES: What! No!

[CHREMES hides his head. AIDE crosses to him and taps him on the shoulder. CHREMES peeks. AIDE points offstage. CHREMES uncovers his head and looks. AIDE slaps him on the side of the head and returns.]

CHREMES: Ow! Now what the heck was that for? Just because I'm confused?

PHEIDOLOS: No, that one was for pure enjoyment. Listen to me. This all means nothing right now. Look out there. Do you really believe that any Athenian with a connecting thought would give his goods to the state? We don't give. It's not in our culture! We by gods are a nation of takers! And so by gods are the Gods! Look at their statues. The hands. We pray for gifts from the Heavens… but there they stand with their hands out—palms up! No sir, they don't give, they take too!

CHREMES: Yea. But regardless, my giving could be a positive blessing. Excuse me sir; I have to get this packed up.

PHEIDOLOS: You're truly taking it in?

CHREMES: Watch me!

PHEIDOLOS: This is lunacy! Don't be hasty! Delay a little. See what action others take. Then when the time comes refer to my three faithful colleagues.


PHEIDOLOS: Well, there's my old friend Stall. Then there's Defer. And my personal favorite Putting It Off.

CHREMES: What do you mean?

PHEIDOLOS: Look here I know this crowd. The most temperamental voters on earth! They renege on whatever they decide. And even if the majority wins, what actually occurs is an entirely different story. You may vote for the left hand, but right hand will be out there doing all the doing!

CHREMES: My friend, we're turning in our stuff.

PHEIDOLOS: Supposing an opposite party won't let you.

CHREMES: Then we'll start a war!

PHEIDOLOS: Supposing they win!

CHREMES: Then I'll toss my stuff and run!

PHEIDOLOS: Supposing they sell it.

CHREMES: Oh… go die!

PHEIDOLOS: Supposing I do!

CHREMES: Then I suppose I'll be in your debt!

PHEIDOLOS: You're going to obey a bunch of women!

CHREMES: [After a beat.] What's that mean?

PHEIDOLOS: Exactly what I said it means.

AIDE: Meow.

[AIDE makes the sound of a whip cracking.]

CHREMES: Now what does that mean?

PHEIDOLOS: What does what mean?

[AIDES do their pussy whip noise again.]

Did you hear something? I didn't hear anything.

CHREMES: Now you listen. You don't worry about me. My Papa always said, "You may pee on my foot, but it won't be just to hear it splash!"

PHEIDOLOS: [After a beat.] You have me there.

SWEET YOUNG THING ANNOUNCER: [entering with a very shrill screech she stops and turns to the audience, after a pause:] This is a test. This is only a test. This is a test of the Emergency Human Broadcast System. The broadcasters of your area in voluntary cooperation with the GCC or "geek" the Greek Communications Commission have set up this announcement in case of an emergency. If this was an actual emergency you would be directed to the exit doors located two to the front, two to the side, and two to the rear. In the event of a water landing and you're not already dead upon impact your marble seat cushion can be used to drop you straight to the ocean floor. If this had been an actual emergency, the annoying sound you just heard would be followed by information about which Trojan Horse to get into or which rock you would need to crawl under followed by instructions on how to bend over and kiss your ass good-bye. [A Chorus member runs in with rolled up parchment and hands it to SWEET YOUNG THING ANNOUNCER.] Oh thank you. [That shrill sound again.] And now a word from Praxagora your new Commistress-in-Chief. And that word is FOOD! And another word is FREE! Free food for all! Tables loaded with goodies! Wines and Filets, Sweetmeats and parfaits. No age, gender or class distinctions! The finest of foods and services provided for you by the state so all can sit and eat together in peace! The rolls are now being served! Come one come all!

This has been an announcement from your Greek Human Broadcast System.

[She exits.]

PHEIDOLOS: [Licking his chops.] Well. All right. I think we're done here. Come Aide. [Begins to exit.]

CHREMES: Where do you think you're going?

PHEIDOLOS: Me? Well I thought maybe I'd head on over to the dinner… it's the will of the city after all!

CHREMES: But you haven't turned in your property.

PHEIDOLOS: Oh, I will. Do you mind? I'm hardly one to keep my Nation waiting.

CHREMES: Those women are smart. I'm sure you'll have to make your deposit first.

PHEIDOLOS: [Chuckling] Others are bound to turn their items in later then I…

CHREMES: So you're just going to go to dinner regardless?

PHEIDOLOS: Far be it from me to hold down the desires of the state. A patriotic man such as myself always does what he can for his country!

CHREMES: What if they don't let you in?

PHEIDOLOS: Me? Don't be ridiculous.

CHREMES: Supposing they beat you up and laugh in your face!

PHEIDOLOS: Really, don't be a fool.

CHREMES: Suit yourself. Come on guys; let's take this stuff downtown.

PHEIDOLOS: Say Chremes, my friend, why don't you let me give you a hand there. My aides can help you…

CHREMES: Not on your life you old fart. I'm not going to hand my stuff over to Commander-in-Cheiftess only to have you claim it as your own.

PHEIDOLOS: Chremes, I'm hurt. And offended. I cannot believe that you suspect such perfidy from me. Aides please help this man…

CHREMES: Put it down Aide, or you'll find it where it don't belong! Come on guys…

[CHREMES and others help move stuff offstage.]

PHEIDOLOS: [Aside.] Rats! Double plague ridden rats! I must obtain a subtle gimmick to wrangle a chair with those bleeding-hearted dopes at the public trough, without liquidating my personal items… [His eyes fall upon PRAXAGORA's left over lamp.] What's this? Aide! Grab that ghastly looking lamp. Yes… Hmm. Of course! It'll have to do. We must go Aide. Dinner will be served. No time to waste! Come Aide. Hurry up!


PHEIDOLOS: Blanch! [Seeing SWT.] And uh… what was your name again?

BLANCH: Didn't expect to see me with your sweet young thing, huh? I know. She told me everything. We just came to tell you it's over.

SWT: I don't need you anymore.

BLANCH: And neither do I. She's done. I'm done. We're done. It's over between us.

[A pause.]

PHEIDOLOS: All right.

[He exits quickly. A beat between the women.]

BLANCH: [With a loud weepy-wail.] Well. I guess we showed him.

[They exit with SWT comforting BLANCH. Then we hear a disruption offstage.]

HAG (O.S.): Hey! Watch where you're going!

PHEIDOLOS (O.S.): I was, madam, until your ugliness clouded my vision. Come Aide!

HAG [entering]: Yea well, who needs ya! I'm gonna get for myself a nice young man today! Thanks to the government! Where are all the men anyway? They're way overdue. [She poses seductively.] Here I am, ready, willing and waiting, all this beauty going to waste. I troweled on my best pancake, lathered on my best par-fume, and I've got on my best yellow shawl. There's a song in my heart and a skip in my step. But it's not for real without a Man! [pulls out and opens up a telescope] Yoo-hoo! Where are the men!? Oh Gods, give me a man that's not too pretty and give me a song that's not too loud! [Begins singing…] If your…

[Enter PAN interrupting song.]

PAN: [Humping without looking.] Hey man, what's the word. Did some beautiful baby call for some help? My love perhaps can be of some assistance.

HAG: I called for the gods! Are you the god that's supposed to help me?

PAN: [Seeing her face.] Uh. No. It wasn't me. I'm not a god man; I'm just a goat. Baaa. Sorry. My mistake. Gotta go.

[PAN exits.]

HAG: Hey! Where you goin'? Oh well…

If Your…

[SWT enters interrupting humming a song.]

Well look who it is.

SWT: [Seeing the Hag] Oh. That reminds me. I have to scrape out the vomitoria. [She stands and waits for something.] Aren't you up early?

HAG: It's the afternoon.

SWT: I'm sorry; you're so scary I thought you only came out at night.

HAG: What's going on here? Waiting for someone?

SWT: Yes I am. I'm waiting for my fiancé. He's been on an army mission for three months and is supposed to meet me here. We haven't seen each other in so long. My bed has been so empty.

HAG: Along with your head.

SWT: What?

HAG: So, engaged are you. Is he coming soon?

SWT: Should be here any time.

HAG: Well congratulations! Here, let me give you a gift.

SWT: Oh well, thank you!

[HAG pulls out a phallus.]

HAG: You're gonna need this for the time being. I won't need it after all. Go on little girl, run off and play… with yourself. (Laughs.) I'll take over from here.

SWT: Oh no! You can't really be thinking he'll go for you!

HAG: Oh yes! It's the law!

[They sing!]

HAG: If your choice be a girl of sweet sixteen
Or a lady, shall we say of certain age
In the sack, you'll find sweet sixteen an airhead
While the aged maiden's craft is all the rage

When it comes down to choosing girl or woman
Always pick the woman when you go to bed
In the sack you'll find the debutante quite boring
While the crone knows every way to heart and head

SYT: You can't fight the nature of a man's eye
They thirst so for sensual fem'nine sights
The touch of two breasts and a soft thigh
And two silken arms to hold them in the night

My youthful body's firm and nubile
While yours is swingin' low for all to see
The goddess Aphrodite is on my side
Your only friend the force of gravity

For pleasure what shall I do?
My lover is still not here
If left to my own resources
The phallus is mine I fear

HAG: For pleasure here's what I'll do
Your lover's mine first my dear
I'm happy I've two resources
Hot sex and a nice cold beer

SWT: For pleasures what shall I do?
My lover is still not here
If left to my own resources
The phallus is mine I fear

[Song ends.]

HAG: For pleasures here's what I'll do?
Your lovers mine first my dear
I'm happy I've two resources
Hot sex and a nice cold beer

SWT: Somebody help!


ANNOUNCER: Psst. Rewrite.

[She hands SWT a parchment. SWT reads.]

SWT: You are NOT serious. I'm supposed to say this? [ANNOUNCER nods. SWT reads half-heartedly.] So Grandma do me a favor
Hand over that great reliever
It's a lonely woman's savior
A lover to use over and over
And to maneuver and maneu…

Who wrote this!!?

HAG: [Holding out phallus for her]
You've got some internal itching
Your lover is still not here
So quit your incessant bitching
Looks like he's mine I fear
But try to make the most
You can still catch a plane to Lesbos!

SWT: That smells fishy

HAG: That's what they say this time of year.

[HAG chases her off… As the handsome EPIGENES enters with a torch and a hard-on. He's rapping.]

EPIGENES: Kick it.
My name is Epigenes
That's what my name is
Hope that you got it right
I want some music
Some sweet lovin' music
I want some music tonight
I want my baby in my bed
Possibly some head
If there ain't too much of a fight
Cause I got the bump
It's a lump
I don't wanna hump
Some granny at a hundred and three
Give me my woman
My big blond woman
I'm Athenian I'm male and free
Don't fret
Don't bet
I got my asset
I don't need no sex by decree
I want my woman
My sweet lovin' woman
I drank so much I gotta pee

[SWT appears from above.]

SWT: Oh baby
I don't mean maybe
I see my love up here from above
What you wanna be
Is here with me
I'm soft as a morning dove
You must
Throb with lust
I trust
I wanna run my fingers through your hair
‘Cause I'm Athenian and free
Female with needs
And I'm not wearing underwear

I think I'm gonna die
My brain has become unhinged
I'm a quivering mass
When I see your ass
I soon start to lose my rhythm
Need to express
Your bust
If I don't get to you I may explode
On her knee
Reached down and touched your soul
Centuries away
From what were supposed to say
Disco not even a thought
Spirits overcome me up from above
Baby what chance I got?
When I say…

[He breaks into Thelma Houston's Disco classic "Don't Leave Me This Way." Although it really sounds more like the 80's Communards version.]

I can't exist
I would surly miss
You're tender kiss
Don't leave me this way…

[CHORUS enters and sings as well.]

Ohhh… Baby!
My heart is full of love and desire for you
So come on down and do what you got to do
You started this fire down in my soul
Can't you see it's burning out of control
So come on girl and satisfy this need in me
Only your lovin' can set me free!
Set me free!
Set me free!

[Freeze as HAG enters.]

HAG: Ooh. Rock me Epigenes.
Ooh. Rock me Epigenes.

[CHORUS screams and exits.]

Looking for me?

EPIGENES: What gave you that idea?

HAG: With that torch you must be looking for someone.

EPIGENES: Actually, um… I'm trying to deliver a… warrant.

HAG: Well you've got a nice subpoena. Maybe I can serve it for you.

EPIGENES: I'd really prefer to pull this off alone.

HAG: Looks like it's been a while.

EPIGENES: We've built up quite a backlog. But nevertheless we're only opening cases that are under twenty years old.

HAG: Didn't you get the memo? We're under new management. You have to process my case first.

EPIGENES: But see I'm under a different jurisdiction.

HAG: Oh I can hear you, you're diction's just fine.

EPIGENES: No… I meant… You see…

HAG: Oh my. Another boy overcome by my beauty. You're running a fever. Come, I'll put you to bed. My bed.

EPIGENES: Wait. You have to pay a tax.

HAG: A tax? On this transaction there's no withholding.

EPIGENES: But it's a joint return. There's a use tax.

HAG: But it looks like you already filed for an extension.

EPIGENES: [Pulling away.] Forget it! No! No way! And no means no!

HAG: Must I read you the decree?


[HAG whistles, ANNOUNCER runs in with scroll.]

HAG: [Reading] Be it decreed by the women sitting in Congress: Sex is one of our finest natural resources and is hereby declared to be open to the public. Free fornication may take place between adolescents only after male adolescent has given his resources to the full satisfaction on a senile female.

EPIGENES: Yes, but… I wasn't here!

HAG: Should said male, being you, refuse these conditions said senile female, being me, may then, without restrain, pull on protruding part of said male until he gives in.

EPIGENES: Now that's what I call stretching the law.

HAG: That's the short and the long of it.

EPIGENES: I'll get one of my friends to take my place! I got good credit!

HAG: Credit is no more. There'll be no swiping your card in my till.

EPIGENES: I'll claim an exemption! I'll claim I'm unfit!

HAG: Your muscle is in fine shape.

EPIGENES: I'll plead the pressures of commerce!

HAG: Interest rates may rise and fall, but around here your market's always strong.

EPIGENES: Is there no way out?

HAG: The only way out is by goin' in… baby!

[She is dragging him by now.]

SWT: Stop right there!

HAG: You again? I thought you were out beating around the bush!

SWT: Oh stop it with the Bush jokes, the man can't help it. That's his name.

HAG: Your sense of humor has lost all receptivity. Come on Epigenes.

SWT: There will be no dragging of that man!

HAG: I wouldn't have to if he would just come quietly.

[SWT grabs EPIGENES so HAG and SWT are now in a tug o' war.]

SWT: You can't sleep with that man; you'll give him an Oedipus complex.

HAG: The only thing complex about this man is getting him in the sack! Back off slut o'ramma!

SWT: What!

EPIGENES: Thank Gods! Pulled back from Hades just in time! Oh honey! I'm swelling with gratitude! Tonight, I'll go down on my knees thanking you!

SWT: [To Epigenes] Yea, that's great, shut up a sec. [To HAG] What did you call me?

HAG: Oh I'm sorry, let me repeat myself: Get. Lost. Ho. Bag.

SWT: How dare you! Get your claws off him you old crustacean!

HAG: Big words for such a dumb broad!

SWT: Shouldn't you be recharging your pacemaker!

EPIGENES: Could this get any worse?

[Enter CRONE. She's uglier than the HAG, if that could be possible.]

CRONE: [To HAG.] Hey there little girl, where do you think your taking this one? Hands off this tort you tart. I get first dibs.

EPIGENES: It got worse.

HAG: What's happening here?

CRONE: Obey the law. Blessed be the ugly, for they shall pleased!

HAG: Finders keepers! I ain't letting go!

[CRONE is now pulling HAG as HAG pulls EPIGENES. They are winning the tug o' war.]

EPIGENES: Oh my darling! Pull! For the love of the gods! Pull with all your might!

[Enter PHEIDOLOS motivating his AIDES.]

PHEIDOLOS: Stop! Hold!

EPIGENES: Who are you?

PHEIDOLOS: The pulling of any male appendages by this young lady, I believe should first be routed through me.

SWT: What?

PHEIDOLOS: Your man there must stand up for his country- And young women must do the same for their homeland Miss. Except it seems you'll be doing most your patriotic duty lying down.

SWT: [Pulling as hard as she can] Aaaagghh!

PHEIDOLOS: It looks like the oldest man on the planet has recently become a bachelor. Lucky you my dear. Come come. The sooner I am pleased, the sooner you can get back to your tug of war.

SWT: I'd rather sleep with a Cyclops!

PHEIDOLOS: That can be arranged. I'm sure he'd only have an eye for you!

CRONE: There's no one to hold you now pretty boy. Be a good lad and come along nice!

EPIGENES: They're winning my sweet! My meat is soon to be cooked, and in one nasty lookin' oven!

PHEIDOLOS: Aides! Grab that woman before she is pulled off to that Crone's lair.

[Aides grab SWT who is pulling on Epigenes. The tug o' war shifts.]

HAG: Hey! Back off pansies!

EPIGENES: I've heard of the long arm of the law, but this is ridiculous!

SWT: [With AIDE pulling on her breasts.] Watch where you're pulling there jerkoffs! Those are not handles!

EPIGENES: This is no time to be considering a sexual harassment suit hon, just pull!

CRONE: Look here Congressman; your puppet government is pulling too far to the right! We need some back up on the left to separate these two!

[Enter a HARRIDAN, the most god awful most horrible looking thing in all of human kind.]

HARRIDAN: I may be of help.

ALL: Aaagh!

CRONE: Who are you?

HARRIDAN: Looks like you gals have met your match. I'll give a pull, but as they say in politics, "To the victor goes the spoils!"

SWT: Epigenes!

EPIGENES: Oh shit!

HARRIDAN: When the work is done, that man is mine, the law is the law! Come here sweet-cheeks!

EPIGENES: Holy Hercules! May the entire Pantheon of all that is powerful throw your blessings into the forearms of my loved one! Pull! Pull darling pull, or I shall truly die in that beasts arms!

PHEIDOLOS: Looks like you have an anchor now Crone! Pull Aides! Pull!

HAG: I found him first!

CRONE: I found him second!

HARRIDAN: I'm the third strike, you're all out!

EPIGENES: I feel like that great writer Hemingwayados!

SWT: Why's that?

EPIGENES: I'm soon going to witness a Farewell to Arms!

[Enter Praxagora. She pauses and views the melee.]

PRAXAGORA: Hey. Stop it. Hey! Shut up! Why aren't you all at dinner! [The cast finally stops and looks at her.] Come to dinner right now! I want you all to come to the dinner table and have a peaceful fucking dinner!

[The cast takes a beat and returns to their individual kafuffle. Praxagora begins to cry a la Lucille Ball. Blepyros emerges from his costume as the Harridan and takes the stage.]

BLEPYROS: All right. All right people that's enough. That's enough! [Most are surprised at this startling development.] I think my wife gave you an order!

[All are stunned.]

PRAXAGORA: Blepyros?

BLEPYROS: Hi honey. Chremes, you can come out as well.

[CHREMES emerges from his garb as the Hag or the Crone.]

EPIGENES: Oh thank the gods.

PRAXAGORA: Blepyros? What's going on?

EPIGENES: Pheidolos, Chremes and I were giving you a little test. Sorry, we went too far.

BLANCH: Pheidolos? You were in on this too?

PHEIDOLOS: A little.

PRAXAGORA: So, you told Congress on me?

BLEPYROS: Yes. But… we took a vote and decided to try your new society anyway, with you as commander and president.



CHRMES: But we just tested out this free sex amendment and we feel it needs some work. Don't you agree?

PRAXAGORA: Yes. Yes it does.

CHORUS: Yea!/ You betcha/ No doubt about that

BLEPYROS: But we're all going to work together. The whole Congress.

PHEIDOLOS: That's right.

BLANCH: So. You don't want this Sweet Young Thing?

PHEIDOLOS: No Blanch. Will you take me back?

BLANCH: I'll think about it. You old coot.


SWT: What about us?

PRAXAGORA: There will be no more tugging and pulling for you two. At least not for now.

BLEPYROS: That's right. So. All this roughhousing has made me hungry! Let's eat!

CHREMES: Like one big happy family!

CHORUS: Wait!/Has everyone turned in their possessions?/Yea/ so we're all equal?

PRAXAGORA: Yes. Before we eat. Everyone should have anted up.

CHREMES: I know someone who hasn't. [He looks to Pheidolos.]

PHEIDOLOS: Yes. I suppose that would be me. Forgive me. Here. This lamp. Take this lamp as a token offering. The rest will be coming soon.

PRAXAGORA: [After a beat.] Thank you. Yes. This looks familiar.

PHEIDOLOS: Oh really. It's been in my family for decades.

PRAXAGORA: That right? Yes. Well. We should probably eat.

I think I'll follow along with you
I think I'll stick by your side
I can feel the admiring glances
And the whispers said aside
I think I'll follow along with you
Off into the sunset we'll ride
For I'm the man behind the successful woman
But together we'll turn the tide

[A choral "Awww…" A kiss. Then a cheer from the chorus.]

CHREMES: Let's eat!

[All exit except BLEPYROS and PRAXAGORA.]

BLEPYROS: You comin'?

PRAXAGORA: I'll be there in a minute.

[BLEPYROS exits.]

Oh Wicked Lamp
Your message is clear
I know now this time will pass
No government may ever last
But tonight, this one night I am a winner
All, and I mean all of us; will sit down to a glorious dinner

[Enter PAN.]

PAN: Okay baby, here I am. The God from the sky! The deus ex machina to solve all your problems! I told ya you'd want me back bitch. The gods always have to figure this shit out, so let's do it-- All right all you dumb ass mortals let me tell you what's up… Hey, where is everybody? What's up?


[She gives him the lamp and starts to exit.]

PAN: What's this? What's going on? What am I supposed to tell Zeus the big Z-Man? Hey baby, don't be this way. I come down here to help you and you give me a lamp?

PRAXAGORA: There's gonna be some blackouts coming soon. You may need it.

[She exits.]

PAN: Blackouts? The gods don't know nothing about no blackouts. Hey! Wait a minute baby! What's a blackout?!



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Copyright © 2002 by Nick Zagone

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that The Congresswomen is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound taping, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as information storage and retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

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