A monologue from the play by Clyde Fitch

NOTE: This play was published in 1915 by Little, Brown, and Company, Boston. It is now a public domain work and may be performed without royalties.

SREELE: I guess we'd better be quick about what we've come to say, Minister. That Council was called because of the dissatisfaction, ahem -- the -- I may say widespread dis-sat-isfaction that has -- ahem -- that has been felt by your entire congregation -- ahem -- for some time. [Taking out Resolutions from his pocket.] I have been deputed by the Council to see you concerning the facts which they set forth with a -- ahem -- great generosity, as follows: You have encouraged beggars by taking in Aunt Melissy and old Bill Walters, and given them -- ahem -- a home. You have damaged the character of our county Orphan Asylum by taking in your house a child which it had refused to shelter. You have robbed of her position the faithful and sweet teacher of our school to further your own ends. And for fifteen years you have neglected -- ahem -- I can put this stronger -- you have refused to take a helpmate from your congregation, which contains many well-favored women willing to help you in your work. We ain't satisfied with your laxity and freedom. We don't want a new doctrine upsettin' the old order -- we don't want a billiard table in the young men's club. We don't want playing cards in the social parlors. It's rumored you've even written a sermon upholdin' the new-fangled doctrine of there being no such thing as Fire and Brimstone! You have harbored in your house a woman who has, of her own free will, sundered her marriage vow, thus bringing scandal on the community -- ahem! Do you deny these charges? No? It is, then -- my -- ahem -- painful duty to inform you that, unless Mrs. Woodbridge and her child leave your house at once, the Council feels obliged to ask -- ahem -- demand -- your resignation -- to take effect at once.

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